Loneliness is a feeling that we all experience in our life at different times. It makes one feel all alone in the big wide world. Its a very normal, natural feeling that every one feels at various points in there life.
“Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man.”
Thomas wolfe
The most important fact to remember is that to be alive is a blessing. To feel the wind blowing through your hair, to experience sun on your face, to smell the flowers is a blessing. To observe life around you is a blessing. If I wasn’t born, I would never ever experience the beauty of life !
Ever since we are born we face happy days and sad days. As a baby, just the presence of our mom makes us happy & hunger makes us upset. When we become toddlers, we notice the world around us and start coveting for toys or attention. Not getting what we want makes us upset and we cry and pout.
As our world expands, we meet other people, kids, relatives. We start going to school and get disciplined . Our range of emotions now increases. Before it was just hunger and attention from mom to keep us happy but now the emotions get complicated as we start reacting to experiences.
At some point in our life we feel the pang of loneliness. It can start in the school playground where everyone with a group of friends seem happy and enjoying themselves. Or loneliness can be due to past negative experience. Like when we share our thoughts with a close friend who later tells everyone or makes fun of us. The feeling of being left alone can happen in small things but in our mind it’s a huge issue. These experiences hurt us and we become cautious in our relationships to others. As we become more guarded in our dealings with people, we are unable to make new connections with other. This has now become a vicious cycle. The less we trust others with our thoughts, the more isolated we become. The more isolated we become, the more lonely we feel.
Every human has felt this feeling of loneliness. Its part of living and there is nothing wrong with it. In fact if handled well it can bring out great results in terms of creativity and improved quality of work. We should accept it and be kind to ourselves when we feel this way.
Everyone feels lonely differently. But usually we feel a combination of these three basic types of loneliness.
Types of Loneliness
- Existential Loneliness
- Emotional Loneliness
- Social Loneliness
- Existential Loneliness
We encounter existential loneliness when we feel empty and question the purpose behind our existence. Sometimes people want to know what are they contributing to the society or how are they useful in the life of someone. In the absence of clarity , we feel lonely. Changing our perspective on how we view circumstances or writing a gratitude journal can help us not feel lonely. Volunteering our services can also give new meaning to our life.
- Emotional Loneliness
This type of loneliness happens when we feel an absence of meaningful relationships or attachments in our life. We develop emotional attachments with loved ones, our parents, siblings, and friends. When you move to a new town or college and don’t know anyone, you can feel lonely. You can feel emotional loneliness when you have broken up and your partner has formed another relationship but you are left all alone.
As I said before, feeling lonely is a normal human experience. Its better not to overthink about it and feel miserable.
Remember, if the going gets tough, if you chronically feel lonely, seek help from a medical professional.
3. Social Loneliness
This type of loneliness is felt when we don’t feel part of a group or community. You can be in a crowd of people but not feel connected to them. You can be in a social party / gathering and not feel part of the group. You can be a part of a huge family and still feel you don’t belong. If you feel you aren’t valued in the group, you can feel social loneliness.
The best way to overcome this kind of loneliness is to find your tribe, find people who are have similar interests as you and build your life with them.
Steps to overcome feeling lonely
- Control your thoughts. Don’t sit and feel sorry for self.
- Do some activity which involves movement to release good hormones. Like go for a walk, organize your drawer, clean the room, go to gym etc.
- Don’t be in the company of negative people who can further ruin your day.
- Join a weekly club to meet like-minded people. Going to church on Sunday isn’t a bad idea.
- Volunteer for a worthy cause. Help at local library, soup kitchens, religious organizations etc.
- Reach out and connect with a person. Don’t overthink . Just talk to people.
- Be kind to yourself. We all get bad days.
- Get help from a medical professional if you are feeling overwhelmed.
- Reach out to family and friends .
‘A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone. ‘ ~ Mandy Hale
Have an amazing day !
